…and time passes even when it seems impossible. Even though we argue and fight. Im thankful for the power of understand and communication. cause without it we never would have made it this far.
I knew time was passing, even though it seemed impossible. I could tell cause I could feel my lungs inflate and deflate. I could feel my pulse in my head and with each beat it sent waves of pain through my body. Although it was manageable. It’s as if i have grown strong enough to bare it rather than its lessened over time.
It’s kinda funny how this little situation has played out. I used to think that people that spent the majority of their free time sitting in coffee shops were wasting their time. But honestly it’s peaceful. It lets you spend time thinking about….. anything and everything. I actually kinda love it. I love the smell of the coffee. The music. I love people watching… wait, am I becoming one of those tree huger people who are all lets go green, join the peace corps, and lets love your planet. Will someone please explain to me this conspiracy.
Are you okay? You stopped posting. I'm going into Tash writing withdrawal. =)
Awe. Yes. I’m okay. I just feel so uninspired lately. I’ll look through some of my old stuff and post if. (Only if its good). Thanks for your concern. It means a lot to me =]
I don’t think I could chose any city. I’d have to say I’d like to fall in love with someone while I was traveling with them to many different cities. I’d want to fall for them while walking through the streets of Rome. While standing underneath the Eiffel Tower. Running through the fields of Ireland. Sitting in a little cafe in England sipping tea. Tanning on the beaches of Hawaii. I don’t want to fall in love easily. I mean it takes time. So visiting places with someone gives you time to fall for them.
I try so hard to stand my ground. Keep my poker face on. I know I’m mad. I know how you treated me. The words you said. So why is it that when you say the words ‘I’ll be there for you no matter what. Always’ I lose my defense? I don’t care what happened? I don’t care what was said? I don’t see any reason to be mad. Maybe something is wrong wit me. No, something is definitely wrong with me. I know for sure.
“Hey you know how you asked me a few days ago what I wanted? and I told you I needed a little bit to think about it?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I have an answer. I want to be with you. More than anything. I want to wake up in the morning and see your face. I want to hold you when I go to sleep. I want to hold your hand when we walk down the street. I want to watch you while you paint your pictures, or eat your breakfast, or read a book. I want to be there for you when you have a nightmare. I want to be your shoulder to cry on. I want you to come to me for inspiration. I want to watch you get ready for work in the morning. I want to breathe you in, smell you on my pillow. But most of all I want to watch you walk down the isle in your white dress. Cause I love you. and I want t be with you forever. I want to hold our new born baby. I want to watch them grow up. and then when all is said and done, I want to look back on our life and say ‘This is exactly what I wanted our life to be like’ because I told you what I wanted. Because I love you as much as I do.”
Tonight I cried.
Cries cause ifs over, cried cause were through.
Cried cause of the memories we’ll never have.
Whoever said, “Love is patient, love is kind” are wrong
Love is heartbreak, love is never easy. It will always let you down.
To see past the flaws, the anger, and most of all the lies, takes more courage and strength than i could ever have.
Does this mean I’m weak?
Or does it show that I don’t put up with crap?
Maybe both…
Probably both.
Love is like the fog. It blinds you, scares you, and once you’re out, you are able to see everything clearly.
Heh. Heartbreak warfare all right. Can’t believe it’s come to this. We argue. We fight. We say mean things, and take them back. I guess this time we went a little too far. We won’t give in. Neither one of us will admit the other is right. What to do next. Do I give in? or wait for him to make the first move? I feel like were back in 1st grade. I wish these things would be easy. But they aren’t I guess that’s why they call it heart break.
“Do you want my advice about love?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t take advice. You can’t help who you fall in love with. Fucked up or not. The people worth fighting for aren’t going to come cheap, that’s for sure. The heart sees what they eye doesn’t. We know deep down what is good and what isn’t, what we want and what we need. Love just happens even when your not expecting it to happen. Some people might say your stubborn. I say you know exactly what you want. You set your mind to something you want and won’t stop till you get it. Even if the entire world screams no. Listen to your heart. Your heart is the only voice you should listen to. Don’t go look for love it will find you. Don’t suffer for love. Just live”
"Why is love intensified by absence?"
Because you romanticize the person and the whole notion of love while not having to deal with the reality and stresses of trying maintain a relationship. You’re cherishing a fantasy. The grass isn’t really greener; it is just different.
Well first I have to say. Thanks so much for sending me a message cause I was giving my self like a near heart attack trying to figure it out. Second, that really makes sense. Maybe that’s why long relationships don’t work. I blame stupid romantic novels as to why my expectations of love is so high.
How do i phrase this without it coming out wrong?
Maybe I cant. Maybe its just how it is.
Should I sugar coat it? or just be blunt?
Why cant situations like this be easy? This is the ideal example situation of ‘you only want what you don’t have, and once you have it, you don’t really want it anymore’.
Maybe the quote ‘only unfulfilled love can be romantic’ applies to this situation.
I’ve been fighting years, and look what it’s come to.
To change around the words, ‘Our, or rather, my feelings are wavering. My feelings are far more than wavering.’
‘but I refuse to let this stop.’
How do i actually feel? I know I love him, but that’s about it.
I know everything and nothing about him. I know he keeps things from me. But who doesn’t? Maybe our love was intensified by absence. That’s what kept us together for so long, cause he wasn’t here.
I envy those people who can be in a long relationship and be happy. I envy those people who can find someone when they are young and stay with them till they are old.
Moral of the story: in the end every one dies a broken heart.
If i were to guess i would say; more times than the sun has raised, more than all of the sand at the beach, more than the amount of ATP created by an entire tree, more than all the number of flowers in the world, more rain drops that fall in the rain forest every year, more than all the pictures taken of peoples faces in the world, more than the number of butterflies that migrate to mexico every october… but thats just a guess, or how much i love you… probably both <3 ily coal
Why do we do this? It’s an unspoken, thing, for a lack of a better word, we have between us. We both want the other one.
But we can’t leave where we are. It’s so confusing.
We both hurt the other one with our words. Our feelings are not wavering. We both know what the other feels.
It really feels like a heartbreak warfare.
Neither of us will confess our feelings. Only keep what we feel inside.
Will we ever change where we are? I do not know. But if where we are is the closest well ever be, I’m happy with it. I can’t leave, and neither can he.
